Care Control Reasons

Sometimes, people who have control over what you do with your time stop you from doing something that you like. However, the only reason you like it is because it might help you to be a good person someday. It is a case of being impelled by another, but instead of doing something that hurts you, it hurts your goals to help others. The person you really like who’s in control of your time, therefore, hurts their own ability to be helped by you. They make a Care Control Reason for you to do what they want. They sometimes make you wonder, “If I were a better person or if I didn’t exist at all, would my dear ones be better off?”

Examples:

• “If you keep on accidentally tripping, I will have to take away your telescope.”
• “If you don’t look up at the board, I will take away your crayons that you are using to draw a picture for me.”
• “I’m stopping you from pretending to play doctor to help me when I get older because you didn’t finish your food.”
• “If you don’t move rocks faster, I will get mad and hurt you. Now that you are hurt, you can move even fewer rocks.”
• “I’m stopping you from practicing a future job you might have one day because it is bothering me.”
• “I’m sending you to spend years learning a job that won’t help the world as much as the job you have in mind.”
• “I’m never trying things a different way that could help me, even though you are always willing to try them with me. I’ll even tease you for always being ready to try. Ha ha.”
• “Stop playing imaginary games where you act like me to understand me better, so that you can help me someday! It’s really annoying!”
• “If you don’t do what I want, I will hurt your little sister.”

Who would do it? Bad Guys and Misguided People make the most use of Care Control Reasons. Misguided People like to put Learners in very bad situations to change them, so they like Care Control Reasons.

Pretending People and Workers use them too. They may wish to impress someone they think is a Self Guider. Maybe the person they thought was a Self Guider said something like, “Do whatever it takes to keep people from breaking that rule!” So the Worker or Pretending Person does so, but they are not smart enough to realize that perhaps keeping the rule from being broken was worse than sometimes letting people break it!

Wise Leaders and Self Guiders will probably not make use of any Care Control Reasons.

Here are some difficult choices you have if someone uses Care Control Reasons on you. No one knows the best way to handle it yet.

• Think about why they would do it: Are they doing it to please someone else who has control over their time, whom they still believe in, or for a reason they cannot remember? Is the thing you like actually dangerous or unhelpful and they just haven’t told you why? Is there a chance it would cause you to die – since dying is much worse than discouraging you? Did they already tell you and you didn’t believe them? Did they reach their thinking limit today and are unable to explain? Maybe it’s not actually a Care Control Reason. Maybe their current goals are different than what you think they are, and accepting your help would actually hurt their goals. Example: If they are trying really hard to live a simple life to understand people who don't have much, then discouraging you from giving them expensive gifts would make sense.



• Make them a deal: “If you let me get better at helping you, I will let you hinder me for a while.” It seems kind of strange you would have to make a deal with them, since they should already want you to help them, but that might be the only way to help them. Examples: “If I look at the board for five minutes, will you let me have my crayons to finish my picture for you?” “If I prepare a convincing presentation about why the job I want will make more money for our family than the job you want for me, will you rethink the decision you made for me?”
• Try things their way: For a while, you can try things their way. Hopefully, you can show them what effect their way has, and they will realize it. Unfortunately, since most people who use Care Control Reasons are not Wise Leaders, it will be no use. They won’t keep track of their actions and will be unable to match them with their effects.
• Give up being good: Having things taken away from you when you’re good can break your spirit and you may consider giving up being good altogether, to make the way you’re being treated easier to deal with. You could begin to think, “If I stop caring about anyone, then I won't care if these things are taken away.” This choice can, unfortunately, leave you less prepared to deal with people who actually treat you nicely in the future.
• Hide what you like from them: How much they can harm your ability to do good is based on how much they know about what you like. If they don’t know what you like, then they can’t take it away. Maybe you could even pretend to not be a good person around them.
• Try to gain control of what they do with their time: Since their caretakers didn’t reason with them to get them to change, their caretakers must have tried to impel them. You could also try impelling them to get them to change. Saying things like, “Caretaker, I warned you in the past about hiding information that could help me help you. I’m afraid I’m going to have to limit the time I have to spend around you until you change,” or “Caretaker, I’m very disappointed in you. You had a chance to explain what was on your mind when you took that toy away from your grandchild, but you did not. I’m afraid I’m going to have to limit the time you have around them.” Warning: If you forget why you changed your goal to have control over what others do with their time (or you get changed into a different person), then you may accidentally become a Pretending Person or Misguided Person. These people keep on trying to have more and more control over other people’s time, even if they don’t deserve it. Make sure you only try to gain control over what people do with their time under the right setting.
• Care about them less: It will make it easier for you, when you hear about them harming themselves from their own actions, to care about them less. You could focus on caring about people who are easier to help and better at caring for themselves in the future.
  • You could be the kind of person who views those who use Care Control Reasons as less than everyone else, until they decide to change into the kind of person who doesn't use Care Control Reasons. If you are reaching your limits, perhaps it would be OK to only care about and value those who do not use Care Control Reasons for now (but don’t forget why).
• Let them hurt you, but continue to want to help them someday, since it might still be possible that you are wrong about them, and it's not actually a Care Control Reason. You might only be able to help them in ways that give them more time in the day (like buying them gifts or making them food). If you do help them, they may wrongly interpret it as a success of their use of Care Control Reasons. Also, they may not appreciate your help as much as needier people would.
• Talk to them about it: Go up to them and tell them: “It feels like you are using a Care Control Reason on me, and I don’t think that’s right.” Unfortunately, there is currently no way to talk about what everyone has on their mind when it comes to Care Control situations.