How a Learner Can Get Along With a Pretending Person

Pretending People’s way of thinking usually starts with, “I want something from this other person that will help me, but maybe won’t make the world a better place. I should make it seem like it will make the world a better place." They try to alter their views, ways, values, and perspective of the world to try to get what they are really after. You should focus on finding the origin idea behind their actions.

With a Pretending Person, whenever they tell you something or do something, you always have to ask yourself:

1. How can they see it?
2. How can they know it?
3. Are they smart enough to figure it out by themselves?
4. Do they even care how much good I can do in the future?

If they tell you they can see or hear something beyond what a normal person’s eyes can see or ears can hear, they might be trying to trick you.

If they act like they have knowledge beyond a normal person’s ability to know, they might also be trying to trick you. If they say they have knowledge about you, without getting to know you very well, then you know they might be trying to trick you.

If they say they have figured something out that is outside of their normal ability, and act confidently that it is true, they might be trying to trick you.

If they do something that makes it seem like they care about you being your best self or are really sorry for how they treated you in the past, then they might have changed from being a Pretending Person or… they might be trying to trick you again!

It can be really bothersome thinking about these things every time they say or do something. You might feel like you are not doing your best if you have to use so much energy to think about these things. You are doing the most good, though, because thinking these things will probably help you do more good.

Exercise 1: On another piece of paper, mark the real reason a Pretending Person would treat you in the way listed below:

1. A man comes up to you and says: “Hey kid, I got a toy here I really think you would like. Why don’t you try it?”

   1. He heard about you from someone else you know well, and then he sat down and thought really hard about which toys would help you be your best, and believes he has one that might.
   2. His boss pays him based on how many of this particular toy he sells to kids. He acts like he knows you to trick you. He doesn’t actually care if it helps you to be your best. He doesn’t even care that his tricks could lead people to distrust each other more, or to even distrust Wise Leaders who actually want to help people.

2. Someone your age sees you sitting alone. They ask about what you like to do for fun, and they say, “Wow, me too,” for everything that you tell them. They invite you over to the park to do those things.

   1. They just want you to come to the park to make fun of you with their friends, so you seem less than them. They thought, “What would I have to say or do to get that Learner to come to the park the quickest?” and then they did that. They don’t actually like to do the things you described.
   2. By luck, they are interested in all the same things that you are, and follow the way of, “It’s good to be around people with the same interests, so you can push them further,” and that’s why they invited you to the park.

3. Someone says, “I know you work so hard. Don’t you think you deserve a rest?” Then they tell you about a group they belong to and want you to join and help out.

   1. They somehow know how hard you’ve been working your whole life to be a good person. The group they want you to join has people that could make the world a better place.
   2. Someone said that to them, so they joined the group. Now they say it to other people. They don’t actually know how hard you’ve been working. The group’s leader said they need more members to believe in them before something good happens, but that day may never come.

Exercise 2: On another piece of paper, mark the origin idea behind the following actions a Pretending Person would have.

1. A group of people are very good at building things with rocks. One day, someone discovers metal. One leader, the son of the best rock worker, thinks using metal is a very bad idea.

   1. “I have to make sure we live in the best environment that helps our group succeed, and using rock is the best.”
   2. “I have to make sure this is a perfect environment where my caretaker will be most comfortable and familiar. I have to make sure he is still useful.”

2. You hear someone say, “I’m not gonna try things your way. I believe every way is wrong except my own.”

   1. “It was hard enough learning the ins and outs of the ways I have now. I am not smart enough to imagine the ins and outs of the world you are showing me, so I will stay in the world I'm familiar with. If I just believe my ways are right, it will be easier for me.”
   2. “I have the knowledge of a Self Guider, and I know the ways I use are the best ways for everyone and would make for the best world.”

3. Someone is passionately fighting in a war and has already destroyed three enemies. He doesn’t try to watch the news and just does what he’s told.

   1. “I don’t need to read the news or do lots of research because I know everything, and I know I am on the right side, and winning will be for the best!”
   2. “I can’t read the news, and I have to avoid it. If I find out I have been tricked and I actually killed three good people... I don’t even know what I would do. I don't want to think about it.”

Whenever someone says something, normally you might think, “Hmm, they are either lying or telling the truth.” There is a third option: not knowing or reserving judgment until you know more. Some people’s way is, “Be surprised or hurt if someone doesn't believe you.” If someone is surprised and hurt when you don’t believe them, you can now tell them that you think they are an honest person, but you are just reserving judgment until you know more.